That’s a great point and one I don’t take lightly. [Dov Charney and Terry Richardson burst out of the American Apparel Canada Festival 2013 Kool Aid Man float forcefully but respectfully with a ton of consent and totally aware of their economic advantages over others in a way that is so readily apparent everyone starts clapping for them. “Hey good job guys I appreciate your awareness!” a blue collar human says as person high fives Terry excitedly. “Thanks bro! After all, you’re just like me –a person!!” Terry says, as him and Dov both take off their shirts, revealing Terry’s physique to be obviously much better than the slightly slouchy and less-defined Charney. Based on these facts the gathering crowd automatically begins to believe their ensuing thumb war will be a one-sided slaughter in favor of Richardson. As the two shirtless men clasp right hands and stagger their footing with left feet forward, as the Death From Above 1979 lead singer does a 10 minute long ironic acapella version of Kid Rock’s ‘Bawitdaba’, “chopping and screwing” his vocals for comedic effect. “Hey bro, I have a ton of respect and consent and intellectual and Purple Magazine for what you do, but I just wanted to let you know that kind of music is no longer acceptable in human contexts, so no human being is allowed do it and I didn’t think it was appropriate and maybe slightly demeaning to our audience who has mysteriously arrived but in all likelihood paid to be here,” Charney says, with a grandfatherly twinkle in his eye as he snitches to his RA on the singer. Charney and Richardson re-engage in their thumb war atop the float, though the thumb war seems to be going nowhere because unbeknownst to each other, their thumbs are both covered in oil-based lubricants from prior engagements. The furious thumb rubbing eventually results in the connection of their bodies, as their facial hairs rapidly grown and intertwine with one another, and their indoor sunglasses shoot lights between them. Their bodies become one, though they decide through newfound telekinetic power to keep both last names as a sign of respect for one another’s cultural accomplishments. In their uni-body Dov’s spirit-thought offers a combination of both of their first names, believing it a “poetic gesture if there ever was one!! LOL”. Dairy Charney-Richardson is born and everyone starts clapping, thankful the thumb war is over in a way that everyone likes and agrees on momentarily before realizing how hurtful.], 2013

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